All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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