the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize