wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize