They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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