i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
