I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
