she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize