Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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