i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
