My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
