see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
