I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
