My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
