Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
