OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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