Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
