I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
