apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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