whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
