my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
