she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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