I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize