hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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