Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
