You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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