I think im going to throw up on grandma
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
