we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
