I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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