Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
