God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
