why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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