All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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