think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
