Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
