Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
