At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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