Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
