Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
