i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
