it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize