Can i not drive my cunt home
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
