it was like his penis was on wheels.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
