I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
