I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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