Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
