I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
