If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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