do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
