We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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