dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
