that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
