porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
