All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
