im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
