this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
