Duck Duck Cougar?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
