I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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