She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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