our cab driver is having phone sex.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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