we have officially lost it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
