dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
