He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
