So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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