I'm really into asian looking animals
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
