Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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