Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
