Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
