he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
