i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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