so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
this is an emotional support booty call
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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