I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize