do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
