I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
