Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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