in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
