bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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