Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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