i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
