so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
