He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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