i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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